The Birth Story

It's been 3 weeks since Marin finally arrived... and it's about time I got to updating the blog.

I left off when our first scheduled induction was postponed once we were in the hospital. We were rescheduled to go in on Tuesday, July 19 at 4:30 pm for Induction, part 2 when I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant. It was a very different feeling than the first time we went in- mostly because I was kind of setting myself up for "this could go awry again." Mom & Dad spent the weekend before with Aunt Sharon & Uncle John in New Hampshire, and headed back into Boston on Tuesday. Niki came over, too and we all walked down to Fiorello's in Oak Square to have lunch and then we headed to the hospital. The previous Thursday, we got to the hospital super early for our 4:30 appointment... this time, we were running late so Shaun dropped me off and I got up there at 4:29 ish and Shaun met me there. A very different vibe. They were expecting me, and several residents even said "Oh, you're Dr. Harrison's patient" so they obviously knew the story that I had been there before. We got settled in room 4, and had a very nice nurse. Mom & Dad came to visit a few hours later, and at 7 pm I was officially induced (as in, "I am definitely not going home sans baby this time"). They put a pill in my cervix and I had to lay flat for 2 hours. We watched TV and just chatted - it was fairly anti climatic. At the 6 hour point, they would determine whether I needed another pill or a Foley catheter, or whether labor had started on its own. I had been having contractions frequently prior to going in to the hospital, and once the induction happened the contractions were still coming. Not regularly enough to actually dialate my cervix, but too regularly to warrant a second pill. They tried the Foley catheter to artificially dialate my cervix, but that didn't work (and was PAINFUL). The next step was pitocin - which they gave me at around 4 am.

The pitocin is NO JOKE. About 5 minutes after they administered it, my water broke. A lot. I had a lot of amniotic fluid. It's funny, when I thought about my water breaking during pregnancy, I was always concerned that I wouldn't be able to tell that it broke. Having felt the water break, that was a silly concern. It was unlike any other feeling I've ever had. Once the water broke, the real contractions started. And they were painful. I asked for an epidural (Yay, drugs!) but Dr. Harrison recommended that since I wasn't really dialated yet, I should try Nubane. (I probably spelled that wrong.) I was not a fan of Nubane because a) it made me really loopy and b) I still felt a lot of pain with each contraction.

Finally at around noon I told my fabulous nurse, Bobbie, that I was ready for the epidural. The anesthesiologists came in, administered it (Bobbie took great care of me during that process - all went smoothly) and then I was feeling no pain.

Mom & Dad were in & out all day, Dr. Harrison was in checking on me, but there wasn't really any real progress. The baby did not really like the pitocin - every time they upped the dosage, her heartrate would fluctuate and they'd have to put me on oxygen and lower the dosage. Then they'd try to up it again and the whole cycle would start all over. No one was particularly panicked - some babies just don't like pitocin and this happened to be one of them.

Oh- another random thing. I was given a red popsicle to eat (I love popsicles) midway through the day. I proceeded to vomit up said red popsicle twice. It was a double pop, but twice?

Dr. Harrison came in to check on me at about 9 pm Wednesday night to say that the baby would not be born that day, but would be here Thursday morning sometime. At around 1 am the resident came in to check on me, and determined that I was fully dialated and effaced. "YES!" I said. I was ready for this baby to come. She did tell me that the baby was still at -2 so it wouldn't be worth it to start pushing until she was in a better position. I had Shaun call my parents at their hotel to let them know I'd start pushing soon. I was ready to go!

At this point I had the epidural for a while and was still pretty numb. However, the nurse (Marie) said that I'd be able to feel when I needed to push, because I'd feel like I had to poop. I was already having these feelings... but the doctors weren't in yet for my official "start pushing" feeling.

I was really really really really thirsty. I was told by the attending doctor on duty that I was allowed to have nothing more than "a few" ice chips. Since "a few" is kind of broad... I asked the nurse for ice chips and proceeded to house them like it was lobster dinner. Not a smart move, it turns out. I vomited up the ice chips just like the red popsicle from earlier. I would like to state that I vomited a total of 4 times during my entire pregnancy -- but proceeded to nearly double that total in less than 24 hours at the hospital about to deliver. Not cute at all.

At 3 am my parents arrived (they hadn't fallen asleep at their hotel). They came in to wish us luck and then headed out to the waiting room.

Shortly after Mom & Dad came in, Dr. Harrison arrived. Here is why I love Dr. Harrison. He worked a full duty day shift in the hospital on Wednesday. He also had an evening clinic shift until 9 pm and came in to see me after that. And then he came BACK at 3 am to deliver my baby. Now THAT's a dedicated doctor. Love him.

At 4:15 I was officially given the go ahead to start pushing. I went in like a champ. I hadn't upped my epidural dose at all so I'd be able to feel when I needed to push... and those first few pushes were rock-star caliber. My friend Kate had given great advice as to what pushing should feel like, so I went with that. I figured it would be a few pushes and the baby would arrive. I figured wrong.

After those first 4 pushes (coached by Shaun, Dr. Harrison, Nurse Marie, the resident and 2 medical students that I okayed to be in the room) my body basically gave out. It HURT. A lot. I didn't have the energy to sustain the pushing. I was thirsty. I went in like a champ... but then I spent the next hour and a half trying to come up with alternatives to pushing the baby out.

Shaun was amazing. He was super supportive (as was everyone else).  They were really concerned about  my heart rate (which was skyrocketing) and the baby's heart rate (which was also skyrocketing). They put a cathode on her head, which helped Shaun gauge the progress we were making. At one point he told me that he could see curly dark hair. Really? She had no hair in any ultrasound picture so that was a surprise. Dr. Harrison and others were whispering in the corner - there was concern that I was dehydrated (I was! They wouldn't let me have anything to drink, and when I did OD on ice chips, it was all vomited up as you may recall). They kept trying to get me to wear the oxygen mask, which was sticky and uncomfortable and kind of made me claustrophobic (which interestingly enough, does not inspire one to breathe, kind of working against the purpose of said oxygen mask).

I would love to say that it was a beautiful experience... a "glorious pain"... that I found inner strength and sustained each push longer than expected because I couldn't wait to meet my baby. None of this would be the case. I was a total wuss about it and complained about how awful it was the whole time.

Finally, after one push I felt her head coming out. Dr. Harrison was holding my left leg at the time (Shaun was holding the right) and he wanted to get the resident to help deliver. When he let go of my leg, the baby's head went back in! That didn't feel great. It was only 2 more pushes after that that she finally arrived. Shaun coached me that each push was for someone: He said "push this one for Judith" and her head emerged fully. He said "Push this one for Lori" and that was the final push.

She was here!

I am fairly certain that the very first thing I said to my newborn daughter was, "You're going to be an only child because I am never doing that again."

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe she was actually here. Neither of us could. Shaun turned to me and said "We have a baby."

Remember how in every ultrasound picture she had a hand up by her head? Well that's why she was having trouble positioning herself in the birth canal. She was born with her hand up against her head... which equals a 3rd degree laceration for me and a lot of stitches.

I asked for water pretty much immediately. I am thirsty now just thinking about it 3 weeks later.

Right away the nurses said "She looks like daddy" - her heartrate was above 200 so the doctors and nurses were all over her before I got to really see her closely. I kept asking how big she was, but they were working on her so couldn't give me the weight. That part was so surreal. I was asking what was wrong, they seemed concerned but not panicking and in the meantime Dr. Harrison started stitching me up. I heard talk of the NICU but her numbers were getting better and better. I sent Shaun to go tell my parents she had arrived, and that we decided to name her Marin Cecilia. He came back in and said that he got kind of choked up talking to my parents. The pediatrician told him as he was walking out to the waiting area that the baby was doing well and she wouldn't have to go to the NICU after all.

Finally they gave her to me. We had some "Skin to skin" contact, and Shaun did the same. One of the nurses mentioned that my parents had been waiting very patiently outside, and could she bring Marin out to meet them? I thought that was pretty sweet (and I was getting stitched up anyway), so my Mom & Dad got to meet her just about an hour after she was born, and took her first official pictures.

After that, it was a whirlwind of trying to tell people, taking pictures, and people continuing to check in on us. The baby went right to the nursery and I got some recovery time. Shaun was out cold on his fold out sleeping chair, and then they moved us up to the Post-Partum floor and brought Marin in to be with us. We were now officially a family, and I realized what it's like to love someone that you barely know.

So yeah, I didn't have a great childbirth experience... but I didn't need a c-section, the baby was healthy (and adorable, I must say)... and every day since has been unlike any other I've experienced.

Welcome to the world, Baby Marin.

Marin Cecilia McAuliffe

Marin Cecilia McAuliffe made her debut at 5:53 am on Thursday, July 21. She weighed 7 lbs., 5 oz (not the giant baby we were all expecting) and was 19 3/4 inches long. As expected, she looks just like her daddy. She also has a full head of dark hair... that we're hoping turns curly soon, as Mommy doesn't know how to care for straight hair.

How did we pick her name? One of my favorite Broadway stars is Marin Mazzie, so that's where I heard the name first. Shaun & I both liked it because it's different but still easy to spell. There's a certain sophistication to it that I really like. My brother who died in 1989 was named Mark, so the baby is named in tribute to her uncle.  Marin means "of the sea" and the McAuliffe family crest features mermaids, so there's a family link there. Shaun proposed to me on the ocean in Rockport, MA so we also have a "sea" theme to our relationship. Plus, Marin Mazzie was Tony-nominated for her role in Ragtime, and I spent most of this pregnancy rehearsing for that show so Marin was always on my mind. (Also, Shaun spent some of his favorite times in Marin County, CA... but the baby's name rhymes with Karen, so a different pronunciation from the county.)

We selected Cecilia for her middle name because Cecilia was my paternal grandmother's middle name, and also the name of my mother's aunt who helped raise her, so it is a family name on both sides for me. St. Cecilia's is the parish we attend (and we were married by the priest from St. Cecilia's, even though we couldn't be married AT St. Cecilia's due to construction), and St. Cecilia happens to be the patron saint of music, which is something very important to both Shaun and I.

So that's how we came up with her name....  more to come on her birth story!

Anticipation

I have always said that my favorite emotion is anticipation. I love the day BEFORE something exciting is going to happen, being next in line for a ride, the moment just before the curtain goes up- to have something be so close but still far enough away to fantasize about what it'll be like. That being said... 3 days after we went to the hospital to have our baby, we are still anticipating her arrival.

My parents got up here Wednesday evening, we went to dinner, they settled in to their hotel. I barely slept Wednesday night as Shaun and I talked about what would happen the next day - a little shell-shocked but definitely excited. On Thursday, Niki and Addison came over to hang out/distract me, my parents came over for a while, then Shaun and I were alone for what we thought would be the last time in our apartment sans baby. We headed out to Flour Bakery for lunch, then headed to the hospital. We got there at 4:00 for our 4:30 appointment, spent some time in the waiting room with some cute but poorly behaved children, who served to remind us that we will be better parents than the ones these kids were saddled with. We finally got called in to get started and settled into delivery room 1.

Our nurse was very nice, took good care of me as she put all of the monitors on. I let them know that I was interested in pain management (LOTS of pain management) so the anesthesiologist came in to talk to us. By 6:30 my parents arrived, my IV was in and we were just chilling in the room. Dr. Harrison came in with a student, and they did an exam plus took a look at the baby on ultrasound. My blood pressure was in the 130 range every time they took it. After looking at the baby's position, my lack of dialation and my now median-range blood pressure, Dr. Harrison said that we needed to talk. He could no longer recommend inducing me, because I was not yet at 39 weeks (38 weeks, 2 days for the record) and with my blood pressure back to "normal" there was no justifiable reason to do it. He said that based on the baby's position, she was not ready to come out yet and induction would likely result in a C-section and some additional neonatal care for the baby. He said that it was ultimately my decision... but it really wasn't. He said that if I was at 39 weeks, we'd be good to go, but I wasn't there yet. Dr. Harrison made us an appointment to do the whole thing all over again on Tuesday, when I'm actually at 39 weeks. So as disappointing as it was to get there, thinking we'd come home with a baby... we ended up leaving with our bags still packed, baby still in belly, around 9:30 that night.

I was disappointed because we were THERE. It's one thing to be turned away at the door, it's another to be kicked out after settling in. I was also bummed because I had shared with so many people that the baby would be here soon, and people were so excited for us that I felt like I was letting everyone down.

I also feel guilty for being disappointed, because I know people who didn't get to have their baby at all. I should feel lucky that I'm "not high risk enough."

I did not sleep well on Thursday night, needless to say. On Friday morning we went to our scheduled appointment at antenatal testing for another nonstress test. My BP was still good, and they also did another ultrasound to check the baby's size and estimated that she is 7 lbs 13 oz - MUCH more reasonable than the 9 lbs I was expecting. She continues to kick away, and I have still been having contractions. I was told to "focus on labor" so we walked around the Museum of Fine Arts yesterday. I ate spicy food. We have been sleeping in but I'm trying to remain active during the day to remind this baby that she's ready to make an appearance very soon.

I also cannot stress enough how wonderful Shaun has been through all of this. We got some unexpected time together this weekend and it's been great. So maybe the baby decided to give us this weekend as an extra gift before she started taking over our lives. I know she'll still be here soon, and now we know exactly what the first 5 hours of hospital time on Tuesday will be like. I do hate surprises... and I'm getting a little more anticipation than I bargained for. But as I said before, I love anticipation.

A Big Update

So... the baby is coming sooner rather than later. I visited the antenatal testing unit this past Friday for another nonstress test. The baby did great (as usual)... but my blood pressure was a little high when they took it. It was "on the high side of the median range" so they took it again. In a shocking turn of events, it was even higher the second time (stressed out about high blood pressure, maybe?), which put me in the low end of the high range... and meant that I needed to go to the main office to get my blood pressure checked again.

In a shocking turn of events, after waiting nearly an hour to see a nurse (and being worried about my high blood pressure), the next 2 tests resulted in even higher numbers. Fortunately, the protein test came back fine and I wasn't exhibiting any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia (other than the high blood pressure and the previously mentioned giant swollen ankles). Dr. Harrison let me go home on Friday (after 3 total hours there!), told me to watch for other symptoms, and said that I should come back in on Tuesday, instead of waiting another week.

He called me Sunday morning to check in on me, which I thought was nice (aside from the fact that I was still sleeping at 8:30 am when he called).

So yesterday I go in to see Dr. Harrison. It was a crazy day in the office and I had yet another long wait. (I also had someone totally jump in front of me in line for the bathroom with no acknowledgement that I was even there waiting. But I said nothing and chose not to get fired up. I was there for a blood pressure check, after all.) They took my blood pressure and the first one was high, again (150 over 92).... then on my left arm, it was lower (138 over 91).... but when Dr. Harrison came in he said that based on the fact that my BP has been consistently high, my ankles have been swollen on a regular basis for months, and this baby is huge and ready, we needed to talk about options.

Option 1: Bed rest, and semiweekly visits to antenatal testing for nonstress tests.
Option 2: We schedule a date to induce.

I am not interested in bed rest, nor into more appointments which stretch longer and longer each time my numbers aren't good. I asked him what he would recommend, and he said induction. That sounded right to me!

So on Thursday at 4:30, Shaun and I are to report to Labor & Delivery to get this show on the road!

Have I mentioned yet how I despise our childbirth classes? We went last night because it included a labor & delivery tour and I wanted to make sure that we both saw everything. However, we were treated to a lovely grilling as to why the Doctor would tell us we need to induce. Are we aware that heat can cause high blood pressure? Do you know that when you're induced, labor is longer and more painful? Listen, lady. I'm going with the advice of the MEDICAL DOCTOR who has seen me and checked me regularly for the past 9 months, and is the head of OB/GYN for the hospital, not the musings of someone who makes up data to encourage all natural births all the time and has only her own experience giving birth to her own children. Everyone is different, and this is what the doctor has determined is safest for me. She is quite vehement about how we need to construct a list of "birth values" so the nurses and doctors know if I don't want any males doing internal exams. (This woman is VERY anti-nurse, anti-doctor and anti-male. I for one have almost always seen male doctors so have no problem with this... but that is always her example of something that women should ask for. Whatever.) Well, it emerges that she will be working tomorrow. Guess what my #1 birth value is going to be? She is not allowed anywhere near me.

So tomorrow afternoon, Shaun and I will head over to labor & delivery, and we'll get to meet our baby sometime before the end of the weekend! It's scary and overwhelming and exciting all at once. Today is my last day of work - I am very grateful to know that it's the last day and be able to wrap things up. It's weird to be here and know that I won't be back for 12 weeks.... but I also know that time will fly.

We get to meet the baby soon!

Home stretch

I'm officially 36 1/2 weeks... which means that in just a few short days I'll be considered full term. We did the non-stress test on Friday, and the baby passed with flying colors. I think she knows when it's a "big day" because she does a lot of moving on the morning of my appointments. At the non-stress test they wrapped my belly with 2 elastic straps with sensors on them, and I just lay there while they monitor the baby's heartbeat and ensure that her heartrate goes up when she moves. She passed with flying colors (and was moving a lot, so we knew she passed way before the test was over). When Dr. Harrison came in, he looked at the printout and said "So you're having contractions." I have been having Braxton-Hicks for quite a while, but he  noticed that these contractions were coming at very regular intervals (every 3 minutes). After a quick internal exam he determined that I'm not dialated at all, so these are just "practice" for the real thing. For a split second when he noted that I was having contractions 3 minutes apart, I had a bit of a panic that the baby was coming.... but fortunately she'll be staying put for a few more days. (This is particularly good because my parents are in Nashville this weekend with Eden, and it being 4th of July weekend means that there are no hotel rooms in Boston at all.... so basically it would be the least convenient weekend for the baby to arrive.)

After the non-stress test we verified that my amniotic fluid is still high, but Dr. Harrison reassured me that the most common cause of excess amniotic fluid is "nothing." So that makes me feel better.

Our big addition yesterday (and perhaps spurred by my call to Shaun that I was having "practice" contractions) was our new car! We planned on getting a car to replace my 2000 Chevy Cavalier Coupe pretty much from the moment we found out about the baby's arrival. After a lot of research on Shaun's part, and the decision that an SUV is not really that practical for city living, we settled on a new 2011 Honda Fit. It's orange, which I love. See below:

(Try not to judge the crooked parking job. It was my first time parking the thing and I'm still getting used to it.)



 We are excited that this car is safe and has enough room for the baby's carseat and other necessities. It's the first new car I've had in 12 years, and the first time I've bought a non-General Motors car. I would like to put forward the disclaimer that if GM was still making the Pontiac Vibe, that would have been my new car. Alas, the only thing in our price range was the Chevy Cruze and I didn't like it.

Anyway, having a baby-friendly vehicle makes me feel more reassured that we'll be ready when she decides to make her appearance!

We started childbirth classes at Boston Medical Center. They are a bit too earthy-crunchy for my taste (I am not interested in knowing that my body will just FEEL what it needs - I would like to know at what point to ask for drugs) but I've come out of each class with at least a little more knowledge, so I suppose it's worth it in general.

The baby continues to grow and move all the time. I went to the movies with my friend Kristy and the baby decided that would be a good time to venture up into my rib cage, making it nearly impossible to find a position in the movie theatre that allowed me to breathe comfortably. I can definitely tell that she's running out of room. But I still love feeling her moving around, and continue to try to predict why she is moving at that point in time. For instance, she did not stop moving while we were speaking to the salesmen at the car dealership... I like to think that she was reassuring me, during a very anxiety-inducing event, that we were making this new financial sacrifice for her and it would be worth it.

We continue to get our home ready for the baby... I'm off to donate some of Daddy's clothes to Goodwill (yes, he willingly gave these up) and pick up some more last minute essentials. I'm sure the drive will be fun!

Attack of the Giant Baby

The little one measured in at 5 lbs, 12 oz at Friday's ultrasound. That's definitely bigger than average... but still not considered "dangerously large." The radiologist also told me that the most recent scans showed that I have more amniotic fluid than average, which is what is making me look so huge. This was the first time that my fluid was at a higher level, so they'll just keep an eye on it. My belly is definitely at a point where people are saying "are you sure it's not twins" - I measured 44 cm on Friday, and I should have been around 35 cm. So yeah, big belly, big baby, extra fluid. FUN!

Aside from her enormous size (which is technically big enough to fit in some the newborn clothes we have... and she still has 5 1/2 more weeks of gestation), the baby is doing well. Her heartrate is good, she's moving a lot (especially when showtunes are playing - HOORAY!) and the doctor is overall happy with her progress. So we're just staying the course for now.

We are going to our first childbirth class on Tuesday. We will not likely make all 5 classes (my due date is before the last class) but the instructor told me that if we can make just 1 or 2 we should be fine. It will also be good because it's on the same floor as labor & delivery at Boston Medical Center, so we'll get used to going there.

On the homefront - Shaun finished painting the baby's room, and we put together the crib and have her clothes ready to go in her dresser. We got the glider/rocker from my parents for my birthday, so that is now set up in her room. Jenn is working on curtains & a blanket in the Mary Poppins theme, and my sister made the most awesome canvases with my selected Mary Poppins quotes & phrases. They are, as Ms. Poppins would say, practically perfect in every way. I still need to figure out where to hang them, but that should be easy. We just need to get some more stuff out of that room and we'll be good to go soon. Shaun also finished painting our living room, and has made good progress in our "middle room" (dining room/office/room-of-all-trades). So we're getting close!

The most recent ultrasound pics are below. She continues to be Shaun's doppelganger. I told our friend Rich last weekend that she looked like Shaun, and he asked what I meant by that. My response? "It's exactly his face." I showed him some of the older pictures, and he definitely agreed.

In 2 weeks I have my strep B test and the non stress test, where they'll make sure the baby is ready to undergo labor. I'm sure she'll do great. I wish they had a test to make sure her mother is ready, too!

Making progress!

We are accumulating more & more stuff... lots of clothes from this baby's first cousins, Eden and Peyton (who are also summer babies) and tons of clothes, blankets, etc.  from the baby's second cousins (once removed) Charlotte & Isabelle... plus all of the awesome gifts from the shower at my parents'. Now that Shaun's done with school (finally!) we are starting to get things moved out of the spare room and officially turn it into the baby's room. For paint, we picked a very pale blue. Here's a picture of Shaun hard at work with the paint job last night:



There of course is much work to be done, but with less than 8 weeks till the due date we no longer feel like we have all the time in the world to get ready.

This weekend, I had my first two random women stop me (one at Home Depot, one at Whole Foods) to ask me when I'm due. When I replied "late July" the response from both was "Wow, you look like you're ready to pop!" "I thought you'd say next week, not 2 months from now!" Way to make me feel good, huh?

Baby is squirming around as always. I am still subjected to the random Hillary Clinton cankle (always on my right side - as per Dr. Harrison, it's because my uterus is tilted to the right, plus the baby likes to hang out on the right side anyway, hence compressed vena cava). Last week at my appointment I got to tour the Labor & Delivery facilities at Boston Medical Center which was helpful because I just wanted to have an idea in my head of what it would all look like.

Otherwise, we're just trucking along- hoping to get some furniture moved around this week so we're better prepared for baby arrival. This all seemed so far off when I took that pregnancy test back in November. Suddenly, it's June and we're having a baby next month!