Anticipation

I have always said that my favorite emotion is anticipation. I love the day BEFORE something exciting is going to happen, being next in line for a ride, the moment just before the curtain goes up- to have something be so close but still far enough away to fantasize about what it'll be like. That being said... 3 days after we went to the hospital to have our baby, we are still anticipating her arrival.

My parents got up here Wednesday evening, we went to dinner, they settled in to their hotel. I barely slept Wednesday night as Shaun and I talked about what would happen the next day - a little shell-shocked but definitely excited. On Thursday, Niki and Addison came over to hang out/distract me, my parents came over for a while, then Shaun and I were alone for what we thought would be the last time in our apartment sans baby. We headed out to Flour Bakery for lunch, then headed to the hospital. We got there at 4:00 for our 4:30 appointment, spent some time in the waiting room with some cute but poorly behaved children, who served to remind us that we will be better parents than the ones these kids were saddled with. We finally got called in to get started and settled into delivery room 1.

Our nurse was very nice, took good care of me as she put all of the monitors on. I let them know that I was interested in pain management (LOTS of pain management) so the anesthesiologist came in to talk to us. By 6:30 my parents arrived, my IV was in and we were just chilling in the room. Dr. Harrison came in with a student, and they did an exam plus took a look at the baby on ultrasound. My blood pressure was in the 130 range every time they took it. After looking at the baby's position, my lack of dialation and my now median-range blood pressure, Dr. Harrison said that we needed to talk. He could no longer recommend inducing me, because I was not yet at 39 weeks (38 weeks, 2 days for the record) and with my blood pressure back to "normal" there was no justifiable reason to do it. He said that based on the baby's position, she was not ready to come out yet and induction would likely result in a C-section and some additional neonatal care for the baby. He said that it was ultimately my decision... but it really wasn't. He said that if I was at 39 weeks, we'd be good to go, but I wasn't there yet. Dr. Harrison made us an appointment to do the whole thing all over again on Tuesday, when I'm actually at 39 weeks. So as disappointing as it was to get there, thinking we'd come home with a baby... we ended up leaving with our bags still packed, baby still in belly, around 9:30 that night.

I was disappointed because we were THERE. It's one thing to be turned away at the door, it's another to be kicked out after settling in. I was also bummed because I had shared with so many people that the baby would be here soon, and people were so excited for us that I felt like I was letting everyone down.

I also feel guilty for being disappointed, because I know people who didn't get to have their baby at all. I should feel lucky that I'm "not high risk enough."

I did not sleep well on Thursday night, needless to say. On Friday morning we went to our scheduled appointment at antenatal testing for another nonstress test. My BP was still good, and they also did another ultrasound to check the baby's size and estimated that she is 7 lbs 13 oz - MUCH more reasonable than the 9 lbs I was expecting. She continues to kick away, and I have still been having contractions. I was told to "focus on labor" so we walked around the Museum of Fine Arts yesterday. I ate spicy food. We have been sleeping in but I'm trying to remain active during the day to remind this baby that she's ready to make an appearance very soon.

I also cannot stress enough how wonderful Shaun has been through all of this. We got some unexpected time together this weekend and it's been great. So maybe the baby decided to give us this weekend as an extra gift before she started taking over our lives. I know she'll still be here soon, and now we know exactly what the first 5 hours of hospital time on Tuesday will be like. I do hate surprises... and I'm getting a little more anticipation than I bargained for. But as I said before, I love anticipation.