To Marin at the start of a New Year

Dear Marin,

The last few years have been pretty life-changing for me. In 2008 I moved to Massachusetts. In 2009 I became a godmother, a fiancee and an aunt for the first time. In 2010 I became a wife... but 2011 is the most monumental because, thanks to you, I became a Mom.

I have never been really that into babies. I mean, I appreciate their cuteness, but the appeal of a kid that can talk and interact always held more interest for me. I knew that I was good with kids, but I didn't think I'd be all that interested in having a baby. I thought of it as a period I'd "get through" until the real child-rearing begins. I also had heard horror stories from so many people about how hard it is to have a baby: the lack of sleep, the inability to get them to stop crying... you can understand how the idea of it is not that appealing.

But boy did that change when you came into my life. So tiny and so dependent on me, but also so full of curiosity and personality, almost from the get-go. You were so alert even from day one, and so responsive to us. Of course there were times that were difficult to handle, but about 90% of the time you have been an incredibly easy baby. So easygoing, so pleasant. Especially within the last couple of months, you have developed this personality that just lights up a room. You are full of smiles, you know how to turn on the charm, and you are just incredibly sweet. There is nothing I love more than when  you "sing" along with music in church or in the car. You are a built-in audience who puts on a huge smile and laughs when I perform songs and crazy dances for you. Complete strangers compliment me on how cute and sweet you are. I have completely fallen in love with you and it seems that everyone else has too.

You have also made me appreciate your dad in new ways. I love to see how excited he is to see you, and how happy you make him. He has been waiting a long time to become a dad, and I'm so glad that he has such an awesome baby. We are both astounded every day by how much you are learning and how much you already communicate with us.

We couldn't have gotten through this year without the love and generosity of a whole lot of people. Your Mimi and Poppy have come to visit so many times, and have taken such good care of us in getting ready for you and especially upon your arrival. Your Aunt Lori, Uncle Clif and cousin Eden have flown here twice from Nashville to see you, and have provided us with so much hand-me-down baby gear that we barely needed anything. Ditto Auntie Judith, Aunt Jen, Uncle Scott & cousins Peyton & Matthew, Daddy's cousin Jessie - it's been amazing. I don't know what I would have done without the listening ears of all of the above, as well as Aunt Niki, Auntie Parcheesy, Aunt Bessie, Aunt Kate and "Gunkle" Jeff. We have had great visits with Aunt Elizabeth & Uncle Denny, and Uncle Ron and family and Uncle Gene and family. You have spent good quality time with your Grandpa and Nana, too, and the rest of the family on Nana's side. This year has reminded me what good people I have surrounded myself with, and how glad I am that these amazing people are among the village that will help us raise you to be the bright, funny and inquisitive little girl that we already see glimmers of.

You have already brought so much joy to our lives, I can only imagine what the next year is going to be like. I can't wait to bring you to Disney World for the first time.  I can't wait till those words that I see brewing in that little head of yours come out and you start expressing yourself in new ways. I can't wait to see more smiles, hear more laughter, and to fall in love with a toddler. I already love a baby more than I ever thought I could.

Happy New Year, Marin!

Love,

Mommy

School Girl

I haven't written in the blog for a while. This is partially because I don't have as much time to sit and type as I once did, as Marin does not like to sleep for long stretches during the day so I have to make use of those windows doing things like showering, laundry, dishes, etc. The other part of why I haven't written is because I don't want to be one of those people who act like they are the first person in the world to have a child and therefore feel the need to document every accomplishment. Yes, I post lot of pictures on Facebook, but that's mostly because my family & close friends are spread all over the country and I hear that they want to see what she looks like/how big she's getting. I promise I don't do it so everyone tells me how cute she is. I appreciate all those comments, though. She is pretty cute.

Anyway, tomorrow is Marin's first day of "school" - it's what you call day care when you don't want to feel guilty about sending your child to day care. For us, keeping her home wasn't an option, as we live in one of the most expensive cities in the country and while day care is costly, it's not costly enough to give up my income. So we didn't have to have any serious discussions about sending her to daycare because it was a foregone conclusion. And I'm excited because they do have an actual curriculum where we're sending her, so she'll have things like music class to stimulate her. Quite honestly, there is only so much stimulus I can provide to a 2 month old. We play for a little while, talk for a little while, sing, etc. but sometimes I just really want to catch up on Tivo/ Facebook.

The crime of day care starting at 12 weeks old is that she is starting to get a lot more interesting. She smiles a lot, "talks" a lot, and generally seems more entertained/interested in things. I do have a lot of fun with her. But I also think that the teachers at "school" will also really like her and she'll be well taken care of. She will get plenty of Mommy time in the mornings and afternoons, and on weekends, and will be used to lots of people being around. On the pre-enrollment forms they ask what our goals are for the child, and I wrote for her to gain socialization skills, and independence. As flattering as it is, I don't want her to be fully reliant on Mommy and Daddy. I want her to go to/talk to lots of people and to be able to come up with ideas and play on her own.

It helps a lot that I went back to work this past week. My Mom & Dad came up to spend my 2 work days with Marin, and she did great. So I'm already "used" to being at work all day, which makes the transition to day care a little less traumatic. And hey, I'll have way more time on my hands because she'll leave with Daddy in the morning so I can shower at a nice leisurely pace after they leave and not worry about detecting a scream over the shower water.

I'm looking forward to her getting more stimulated during the day, and also looking forward to seeing her big smile when I get home from work... just as long as all major milestones happen during early morning or evening hours, and on weekends. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Feeding Frenzy

This week I attended a "First Time Moms Meetup." I have never done a random internet meetup before, but after the 4th week of being home with Marin and realizing that while my friend Niki is a godsend and a generally awesome person to be around, it's not really right to rely on her for 100% of my weekday socialization, I should try to find some moms' groups online. Quickly eschewing the $170 fee for 6 weeks of "baby class" offered by Isis, I tried to find some free groups of people who just wanted to take a walk at the same time. (Marin is 6 weeks old at this point... she doesn't need a class which charges tuition.) So I found meetup.com and joined this group of first time moms in the Boston area. We met at Panera in Brookline, which is close & easy for me to get to... so I really had no excuse not to go.

I was way older than the other moms in attendance (and Marin was the youngest kid there... by 2 days). I also am the only one who is going back to work full time.

The other moms were all nice. But what struck me is that the first thing that I was asked upon sitting down was "are you breastfeeding?"

Is this really an appropriate thing to ask someone you just met, even in the context of a new moms group? Even at work, people I don't know well asked me if I was planning to breastfeed, which I just feel is a really personal question.

I don't like the question because I feel like I'm setting myself up to be judged when I answer. The only appropriate answer to the question (in the asker's mind, anyway) is "Absolutely! There is no other way." But here's the thing: were I to simply respond "no," what would the questioner reply? "Oh you really should, it's the best thing for your baby." - this is common knowledge. I highly doubt there is any educated woman in America who is not aware that breast milk is the best option for her child's health and well being. If I had decided not to breast feed, it wouldn't have been because I was not aware of its benefits and I certainly would not be enlightened to this fact for the first time in Panera Bread. It's a decision that moms get to make for themselves, with input from medical professionals certainly, but not from random acquaintances.

The other reason I don't like the question is that I don't really have a simple answer to it. I planned to breastfeed Marin, but it turns out that we're incompatible. She has a short tongue, and I have flat nipples (see, personal information!! Not something to share with random people!! Except for the internet, of course). If it were up to Marin & I to propogate the species, we would fail. She can latch on with a nipple shield, but it's hard for her and as she gets more frustrated, the harder it is for her. For that reason, she will nurse maybe once a day, tops. So, I pump. A lot. She drinks my breast milk from the bottle like a champ. And that's what works for us. But when I say that I'm pumping, I am always encouraged to "keep trying" to get her to nurse. Of course I'm trying, but I don't want to torture my kid either. This works for her and me, and even though pumping is super time consuming, it's the best way for both her & me to get the benefits of breastfeeding. If I relied on nursing alone, the kid would be hungry. I starved her for the first 2 days of her life because I didn't know she wasn't latching on. Finally I had to ask the nurses at the hospital to give her formula just to get her some nutrition so she would gain weight and we would be discharged. And you know what? Sometimes, if I don't have enough milk, I give her formula. I feel like I need to keep that a secret, but it's what we have to do.

So yeah, it's a very personal thing for me. And it has nothing to do with what I wanted, or even what I chose - it's what works for us. It's the best I can do. And she's gaining weight, sleeps for long stretches, and is a generally happy baby.

If someone chooses to formula feed, she does it because that is what works best for her situation. It's not because she doesn't know any better, it's because that's what works in her house.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that feeding your baby is a very personal thing. The fact that breast feeding is the "first choice" is not some trade secret, but it just doesn't work for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. And that's why I would never ask someone how she is feeding her baby - I wouldn't want to make anyone think that I'm going to judge her answer, or offer "advice." There are millions of healthy, happy, formula fed babies. Whatever a mom chooses will be right for her... and it's no one's business but hers and her child's.

I leave this topic with an excerpt from Tina Fey's Bossypants. I love how she really hits the nail on the head:

“Are you breast-feeding? Isn’t it amazing? I really think it’s how I lost the weight so easily. Did you have a vaginal birth? I went natural and I didn’t even tear. Are you back at work already? Do you feel weird about going back to work? I just love my baby so much I can’t imagine going back to work yet. You’re not nursing? She’s only fifteen months; you should try again!”

Now, let me be clear; millions of women around the world nurse their children beautifully for years without giving anybody else a hard time about it. Teat Nazis are a solely western upper-middle-class phenomenon occurring when highly ambitious women experience deprivation from outside modes of achievement. Their highest infestation pockets are in Brooklyn and Hollywood.

... Maybe Boston too.

10 Things I Have Learned in the Last 4 Weeks

1. I had no idea that when the baby is really really really upset, my frustration would be directed not at the baby, but at myself for not being able to soothe her.

2. The feeling of achievement that results from actually soothing the baby is better than any promotion or A+ I have ever received.

3. A burp, fart or other evidence of gas being released is a cause for celebration. (Released by the baby, not by me.)

4. I can do a lot of things one-handed.

5. It is possible for time to pass both incredibly quickly (as in "How is it already 11:30 am and I still haven't managed to shower, finish the dishes or eat breakfast") and incredibly slowly (as in, "Shaun is supposed to be home at 4:30 and it's 4:35. Where is he?").

6. As much as I pride myself on my independence, having Shaun home or people around to help is absolutely necessary. I don't know how single parents do it.

7. It is in fact possible to build your entire day around a trip to the post office. And having that trip to the post office on the to-do list for tomorrow can help get you through today.

8. It is perfectly OK to wear the same outfit over and over and over again, particularly when the outfit both fits and is conducive to making food available for the baby. (This is coming from the person who tracked her outfits when she started public school to ensure no outfit was ever exactly repeated.) Thank goodness for having a washer and dryer.

9. It is possible to hear the cries of a newborn in the next room while in the shower.

10. Spending all day with a 4-week-old can bring an awful lot of joy. It's more fun than I thought it would be.

The Birth Story

It's been 3 weeks since Marin finally arrived... and it's about time I got to updating the blog.

I left off when our first scheduled induction was postponed once we were in the hospital. We were rescheduled to go in on Tuesday, July 19 at 4:30 pm for Induction, part 2 when I was exactly 39 weeks pregnant. It was a very different feeling than the first time we went in- mostly because I was kind of setting myself up for "this could go awry again." Mom & Dad spent the weekend before with Aunt Sharon & Uncle John in New Hampshire, and headed back into Boston on Tuesday. Niki came over, too and we all walked down to Fiorello's in Oak Square to have lunch and then we headed to the hospital. The previous Thursday, we got to the hospital super early for our 4:30 appointment... this time, we were running late so Shaun dropped me off and I got up there at 4:29 ish and Shaun met me there. A very different vibe. They were expecting me, and several residents even said "Oh, you're Dr. Harrison's patient" so they obviously knew the story that I had been there before. We got settled in room 4, and had a very nice nurse. Mom & Dad came to visit a few hours later, and at 7 pm I was officially induced (as in, "I am definitely not going home sans baby this time"). They put a pill in my cervix and I had to lay flat for 2 hours. We watched TV and just chatted - it was fairly anti climatic. At the 6 hour point, they would determine whether I needed another pill or a Foley catheter, or whether labor had started on its own. I had been having contractions frequently prior to going in to the hospital, and once the induction happened the contractions were still coming. Not regularly enough to actually dialate my cervix, but too regularly to warrant a second pill. They tried the Foley catheter to artificially dialate my cervix, but that didn't work (and was PAINFUL). The next step was pitocin - which they gave me at around 4 am.

The pitocin is NO JOKE. About 5 minutes after they administered it, my water broke. A lot. I had a lot of amniotic fluid. It's funny, when I thought about my water breaking during pregnancy, I was always concerned that I wouldn't be able to tell that it broke. Having felt the water break, that was a silly concern. It was unlike any other feeling I've ever had. Once the water broke, the real contractions started. And they were painful. I asked for an epidural (Yay, drugs!) but Dr. Harrison recommended that since I wasn't really dialated yet, I should try Nubane. (I probably spelled that wrong.) I was not a fan of Nubane because a) it made me really loopy and b) I still felt a lot of pain with each contraction.

Finally at around noon I told my fabulous nurse, Bobbie, that I was ready for the epidural. The anesthesiologists came in, administered it (Bobbie took great care of me during that process - all went smoothly) and then I was feeling no pain.

Mom & Dad were in & out all day, Dr. Harrison was in checking on me, but there wasn't really any real progress. The baby did not really like the pitocin - every time they upped the dosage, her heartrate would fluctuate and they'd have to put me on oxygen and lower the dosage. Then they'd try to up it again and the whole cycle would start all over. No one was particularly panicked - some babies just don't like pitocin and this happened to be one of them.

Oh- another random thing. I was given a red popsicle to eat (I love popsicles) midway through the day. I proceeded to vomit up said red popsicle twice. It was a double pop, but twice?

Dr. Harrison came in to check on me at about 9 pm Wednesday night to say that the baby would not be born that day, but would be here Thursday morning sometime. At around 1 am the resident came in to check on me, and determined that I was fully dialated and effaced. "YES!" I said. I was ready for this baby to come. She did tell me that the baby was still at -2 so it wouldn't be worth it to start pushing until she was in a better position. I had Shaun call my parents at their hotel to let them know I'd start pushing soon. I was ready to go!

At this point I had the epidural for a while and was still pretty numb. However, the nurse (Marie) said that I'd be able to feel when I needed to push, because I'd feel like I had to poop. I was already having these feelings... but the doctors weren't in yet for my official "start pushing" feeling.

I was really really really really thirsty. I was told by the attending doctor on duty that I was allowed to have nothing more than "a few" ice chips. Since "a few" is kind of broad... I asked the nurse for ice chips and proceeded to house them like it was lobster dinner. Not a smart move, it turns out. I vomited up the ice chips just like the red popsicle from earlier. I would like to state that I vomited a total of 4 times during my entire pregnancy -- but proceeded to nearly double that total in less than 24 hours at the hospital about to deliver. Not cute at all.

At 3 am my parents arrived (they hadn't fallen asleep at their hotel). They came in to wish us luck and then headed out to the waiting room.

Shortly after Mom & Dad came in, Dr. Harrison arrived. Here is why I love Dr. Harrison. He worked a full duty day shift in the hospital on Wednesday. He also had an evening clinic shift until 9 pm and came in to see me after that. And then he came BACK at 3 am to deliver my baby. Now THAT's a dedicated doctor. Love him.

At 4:15 I was officially given the go ahead to start pushing. I went in like a champ. I hadn't upped my epidural dose at all so I'd be able to feel when I needed to push... and those first few pushes were rock-star caliber. My friend Kate had given great advice as to what pushing should feel like, so I went with that. I figured it would be a few pushes and the baby would arrive. I figured wrong.

After those first 4 pushes (coached by Shaun, Dr. Harrison, Nurse Marie, the resident and 2 medical students that I okayed to be in the room) my body basically gave out. It HURT. A lot. I didn't have the energy to sustain the pushing. I was thirsty. I went in like a champ... but then I spent the next hour and a half trying to come up with alternatives to pushing the baby out.

Shaun was amazing. He was super supportive (as was everyone else).  They were really concerned about  my heart rate (which was skyrocketing) and the baby's heart rate (which was also skyrocketing). They put a cathode on her head, which helped Shaun gauge the progress we were making. At one point he told me that he could see curly dark hair. Really? She had no hair in any ultrasound picture so that was a surprise. Dr. Harrison and others were whispering in the corner - there was concern that I was dehydrated (I was! They wouldn't let me have anything to drink, and when I did OD on ice chips, it was all vomited up as you may recall). They kept trying to get me to wear the oxygen mask, which was sticky and uncomfortable and kind of made me claustrophobic (which interestingly enough, does not inspire one to breathe, kind of working against the purpose of said oxygen mask).

I would love to say that it was a beautiful experience... a "glorious pain"... that I found inner strength and sustained each push longer than expected because I couldn't wait to meet my baby. None of this would be the case. I was a total wuss about it and complained about how awful it was the whole time.

Finally, after one push I felt her head coming out. Dr. Harrison was holding my left leg at the time (Shaun was holding the right) and he wanted to get the resident to help deliver. When he let go of my leg, the baby's head went back in! That didn't feel great. It was only 2 more pushes after that that she finally arrived. Shaun coached me that each push was for someone: He said "push this one for Judith" and her head emerged fully. He said "Push this one for Lori" and that was the final push.

She was here!

I am fairly certain that the very first thing I said to my newborn daughter was, "You're going to be an only child because I am never doing that again."

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe she was actually here. Neither of us could. Shaun turned to me and said "We have a baby."

Remember how in every ultrasound picture she had a hand up by her head? Well that's why she was having trouble positioning herself in the birth canal. She was born with her hand up against her head... which equals a 3rd degree laceration for me and a lot of stitches.

I asked for water pretty much immediately. I am thirsty now just thinking about it 3 weeks later.

Right away the nurses said "She looks like daddy" - her heartrate was above 200 so the doctors and nurses were all over her before I got to really see her closely. I kept asking how big she was, but they were working on her so couldn't give me the weight. That part was so surreal. I was asking what was wrong, they seemed concerned but not panicking and in the meantime Dr. Harrison started stitching me up. I heard talk of the NICU but her numbers were getting better and better. I sent Shaun to go tell my parents she had arrived, and that we decided to name her Marin Cecilia. He came back in and said that he got kind of choked up talking to my parents. The pediatrician told him as he was walking out to the waiting area that the baby was doing well and she wouldn't have to go to the NICU after all.

Finally they gave her to me. We had some "Skin to skin" contact, and Shaun did the same. One of the nurses mentioned that my parents had been waiting very patiently outside, and could she bring Marin out to meet them? I thought that was pretty sweet (and I was getting stitched up anyway), so my Mom & Dad got to meet her just about an hour after she was born, and took her first official pictures.

After that, it was a whirlwind of trying to tell people, taking pictures, and people continuing to check in on us. The baby went right to the nursery and I got some recovery time. Shaun was out cold on his fold out sleeping chair, and then they moved us up to the Post-Partum floor and brought Marin in to be with us. We were now officially a family, and I realized what it's like to love someone that you barely know.

So yeah, I didn't have a great childbirth experience... but I didn't need a c-section, the baby was healthy (and adorable, I must say)... and every day since has been unlike any other I've experienced.

Welcome to the world, Baby Marin.

Marin Cecilia McAuliffe

Marin Cecilia McAuliffe made her debut at 5:53 am on Thursday, July 21. She weighed 7 lbs., 5 oz (not the giant baby we were all expecting) and was 19 3/4 inches long. As expected, she looks just like her daddy. She also has a full head of dark hair... that we're hoping turns curly soon, as Mommy doesn't know how to care for straight hair.

How did we pick her name? One of my favorite Broadway stars is Marin Mazzie, so that's where I heard the name first. Shaun & I both liked it because it's different but still easy to spell. There's a certain sophistication to it that I really like. My brother who died in 1989 was named Mark, so the baby is named in tribute to her uncle.  Marin means "of the sea" and the McAuliffe family crest features mermaids, so there's a family link there. Shaun proposed to me on the ocean in Rockport, MA so we also have a "sea" theme to our relationship. Plus, Marin Mazzie was Tony-nominated for her role in Ragtime, and I spent most of this pregnancy rehearsing for that show so Marin was always on my mind. (Also, Shaun spent some of his favorite times in Marin County, CA... but the baby's name rhymes with Karen, so a different pronunciation from the county.)

We selected Cecilia for her middle name because Cecilia was my paternal grandmother's middle name, and also the name of my mother's aunt who helped raise her, so it is a family name on both sides for me. St. Cecilia's is the parish we attend (and we were married by the priest from St. Cecilia's, even though we couldn't be married AT St. Cecilia's due to construction), and St. Cecilia happens to be the patron saint of music, which is something very important to both Shaun and I.

So that's how we came up with her name....  more to come on her birth story!

Anticipation

I have always said that my favorite emotion is anticipation. I love the day BEFORE something exciting is going to happen, being next in line for a ride, the moment just before the curtain goes up- to have something be so close but still far enough away to fantasize about what it'll be like. That being said... 3 days after we went to the hospital to have our baby, we are still anticipating her arrival.

My parents got up here Wednesday evening, we went to dinner, they settled in to their hotel. I barely slept Wednesday night as Shaun and I talked about what would happen the next day - a little shell-shocked but definitely excited. On Thursday, Niki and Addison came over to hang out/distract me, my parents came over for a while, then Shaun and I were alone for what we thought would be the last time in our apartment sans baby. We headed out to Flour Bakery for lunch, then headed to the hospital. We got there at 4:00 for our 4:30 appointment, spent some time in the waiting room with some cute but poorly behaved children, who served to remind us that we will be better parents than the ones these kids were saddled with. We finally got called in to get started and settled into delivery room 1.

Our nurse was very nice, took good care of me as she put all of the monitors on. I let them know that I was interested in pain management (LOTS of pain management) so the anesthesiologist came in to talk to us. By 6:30 my parents arrived, my IV was in and we were just chilling in the room. Dr. Harrison came in with a student, and they did an exam plus took a look at the baby on ultrasound. My blood pressure was in the 130 range every time they took it. After looking at the baby's position, my lack of dialation and my now median-range blood pressure, Dr. Harrison said that we needed to talk. He could no longer recommend inducing me, because I was not yet at 39 weeks (38 weeks, 2 days for the record) and with my blood pressure back to "normal" there was no justifiable reason to do it. He said that based on the baby's position, she was not ready to come out yet and induction would likely result in a C-section and some additional neonatal care for the baby. He said that it was ultimately my decision... but it really wasn't. He said that if I was at 39 weeks, we'd be good to go, but I wasn't there yet. Dr. Harrison made us an appointment to do the whole thing all over again on Tuesday, when I'm actually at 39 weeks. So as disappointing as it was to get there, thinking we'd come home with a baby... we ended up leaving with our bags still packed, baby still in belly, around 9:30 that night.

I was disappointed because we were THERE. It's one thing to be turned away at the door, it's another to be kicked out after settling in. I was also bummed because I had shared with so many people that the baby would be here soon, and people were so excited for us that I felt like I was letting everyone down.

I also feel guilty for being disappointed, because I know people who didn't get to have their baby at all. I should feel lucky that I'm "not high risk enough."

I did not sleep well on Thursday night, needless to say. On Friday morning we went to our scheduled appointment at antenatal testing for another nonstress test. My BP was still good, and they also did another ultrasound to check the baby's size and estimated that she is 7 lbs 13 oz - MUCH more reasonable than the 9 lbs I was expecting. She continues to kick away, and I have still been having contractions. I was told to "focus on labor" so we walked around the Museum of Fine Arts yesterday. I ate spicy food. We have been sleeping in but I'm trying to remain active during the day to remind this baby that she's ready to make an appearance very soon.

I also cannot stress enough how wonderful Shaun has been through all of this. We got some unexpected time together this weekend and it's been great. So maybe the baby decided to give us this weekend as an extra gift before she started taking over our lives. I know she'll still be here soon, and now we know exactly what the first 5 hours of hospital time on Tuesday will be like. I do hate surprises... and I'm getting a little more anticipation than I bargained for. But as I said before, I love anticipation.

A Big Update

So... the baby is coming sooner rather than later. I visited the antenatal testing unit this past Friday for another nonstress test. The baby did great (as usual)... but my blood pressure was a little high when they took it. It was "on the high side of the median range" so they took it again. In a shocking turn of events, it was even higher the second time (stressed out about high blood pressure, maybe?), which put me in the low end of the high range... and meant that I needed to go to the main office to get my blood pressure checked again.

In a shocking turn of events, after waiting nearly an hour to see a nurse (and being worried about my high blood pressure), the next 2 tests resulted in even higher numbers. Fortunately, the protein test came back fine and I wasn't exhibiting any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia (other than the high blood pressure and the previously mentioned giant swollen ankles). Dr. Harrison let me go home on Friday (after 3 total hours there!), told me to watch for other symptoms, and said that I should come back in on Tuesday, instead of waiting another week.

He called me Sunday morning to check in on me, which I thought was nice (aside from the fact that I was still sleeping at 8:30 am when he called).

So yesterday I go in to see Dr. Harrison. It was a crazy day in the office and I had yet another long wait. (I also had someone totally jump in front of me in line for the bathroom with no acknowledgement that I was even there waiting. But I said nothing and chose not to get fired up. I was there for a blood pressure check, after all.) They took my blood pressure and the first one was high, again (150 over 92).... then on my left arm, it was lower (138 over 91).... but when Dr. Harrison came in he said that based on the fact that my BP has been consistently high, my ankles have been swollen on a regular basis for months, and this baby is huge and ready, we needed to talk about options.

Option 1: Bed rest, and semiweekly visits to antenatal testing for nonstress tests.
Option 2: We schedule a date to induce.

I am not interested in bed rest, nor into more appointments which stretch longer and longer each time my numbers aren't good. I asked him what he would recommend, and he said induction. That sounded right to me!

So on Thursday at 4:30, Shaun and I are to report to Labor & Delivery to get this show on the road!

Have I mentioned yet how I despise our childbirth classes? We went last night because it included a labor & delivery tour and I wanted to make sure that we both saw everything. However, we were treated to a lovely grilling as to why the Doctor would tell us we need to induce. Are we aware that heat can cause high blood pressure? Do you know that when you're induced, labor is longer and more painful? Listen, lady. I'm going with the advice of the MEDICAL DOCTOR who has seen me and checked me regularly for the past 9 months, and is the head of OB/GYN for the hospital, not the musings of someone who makes up data to encourage all natural births all the time and has only her own experience giving birth to her own children. Everyone is different, and this is what the doctor has determined is safest for me. She is quite vehement about how we need to construct a list of "birth values" so the nurses and doctors know if I don't want any males doing internal exams. (This woman is VERY anti-nurse, anti-doctor and anti-male. I for one have almost always seen male doctors so have no problem with this... but that is always her example of something that women should ask for. Whatever.) Well, it emerges that she will be working tomorrow. Guess what my #1 birth value is going to be? She is not allowed anywhere near me.

So tomorrow afternoon, Shaun and I will head over to labor & delivery, and we'll get to meet our baby sometime before the end of the weekend! It's scary and overwhelming and exciting all at once. Today is my last day of work - I am very grateful to know that it's the last day and be able to wrap things up. It's weird to be here and know that I won't be back for 12 weeks.... but I also know that time will fly.

We get to meet the baby soon!

Home stretch

I'm officially 36 1/2 weeks... which means that in just a few short days I'll be considered full term. We did the non-stress test on Friday, and the baby passed with flying colors. I think she knows when it's a "big day" because she does a lot of moving on the morning of my appointments. At the non-stress test they wrapped my belly with 2 elastic straps with sensors on them, and I just lay there while they monitor the baby's heartbeat and ensure that her heartrate goes up when she moves. She passed with flying colors (and was moving a lot, so we knew she passed way before the test was over). When Dr. Harrison came in, he looked at the printout and said "So you're having contractions." I have been having Braxton-Hicks for quite a while, but he  noticed that these contractions were coming at very regular intervals (every 3 minutes). After a quick internal exam he determined that I'm not dialated at all, so these are just "practice" for the real thing. For a split second when he noted that I was having contractions 3 minutes apart, I had a bit of a panic that the baby was coming.... but fortunately she'll be staying put for a few more days. (This is particularly good because my parents are in Nashville this weekend with Eden, and it being 4th of July weekend means that there are no hotel rooms in Boston at all.... so basically it would be the least convenient weekend for the baby to arrive.)

After the non-stress test we verified that my amniotic fluid is still high, but Dr. Harrison reassured me that the most common cause of excess amniotic fluid is "nothing." So that makes me feel better.

Our big addition yesterday (and perhaps spurred by my call to Shaun that I was having "practice" contractions) was our new car! We planned on getting a car to replace my 2000 Chevy Cavalier Coupe pretty much from the moment we found out about the baby's arrival. After a lot of research on Shaun's part, and the decision that an SUV is not really that practical for city living, we settled on a new 2011 Honda Fit. It's orange, which I love. See below:

(Try not to judge the crooked parking job. It was my first time parking the thing and I'm still getting used to it.)



 We are excited that this car is safe and has enough room for the baby's carseat and other necessities. It's the first new car I've had in 12 years, and the first time I've bought a non-General Motors car. I would like to put forward the disclaimer that if GM was still making the Pontiac Vibe, that would have been my new car. Alas, the only thing in our price range was the Chevy Cruze and I didn't like it.

Anyway, having a baby-friendly vehicle makes me feel more reassured that we'll be ready when she decides to make her appearance!

We started childbirth classes at Boston Medical Center. They are a bit too earthy-crunchy for my taste (I am not interested in knowing that my body will just FEEL what it needs - I would like to know at what point to ask for drugs) but I've come out of each class with at least a little more knowledge, so I suppose it's worth it in general.

The baby continues to grow and move all the time. I went to the movies with my friend Kristy and the baby decided that would be a good time to venture up into my rib cage, making it nearly impossible to find a position in the movie theatre that allowed me to breathe comfortably. I can definitely tell that she's running out of room. But I still love feeling her moving around, and continue to try to predict why she is moving at that point in time. For instance, she did not stop moving while we were speaking to the salesmen at the car dealership... I like to think that she was reassuring me, during a very anxiety-inducing event, that we were making this new financial sacrifice for her and it would be worth it.

We continue to get our home ready for the baby... I'm off to donate some of Daddy's clothes to Goodwill (yes, he willingly gave these up) and pick up some more last minute essentials. I'm sure the drive will be fun!

Attack of the Giant Baby

The little one measured in at 5 lbs, 12 oz at Friday's ultrasound. That's definitely bigger than average... but still not considered "dangerously large." The radiologist also told me that the most recent scans showed that I have more amniotic fluid than average, which is what is making me look so huge. This was the first time that my fluid was at a higher level, so they'll just keep an eye on it. My belly is definitely at a point where people are saying "are you sure it's not twins" - I measured 44 cm on Friday, and I should have been around 35 cm. So yeah, big belly, big baby, extra fluid. FUN!

Aside from her enormous size (which is technically big enough to fit in some the newborn clothes we have... and she still has 5 1/2 more weeks of gestation), the baby is doing well. Her heartrate is good, she's moving a lot (especially when showtunes are playing - HOORAY!) and the doctor is overall happy with her progress. So we're just staying the course for now.

We are going to our first childbirth class on Tuesday. We will not likely make all 5 classes (my due date is before the last class) but the instructor told me that if we can make just 1 or 2 we should be fine. It will also be good because it's on the same floor as labor & delivery at Boston Medical Center, so we'll get used to going there.

On the homefront - Shaun finished painting the baby's room, and we put together the crib and have her clothes ready to go in her dresser. We got the glider/rocker from my parents for my birthday, so that is now set up in her room. Jenn is working on curtains & a blanket in the Mary Poppins theme, and my sister made the most awesome canvases with my selected Mary Poppins quotes & phrases. They are, as Ms. Poppins would say, practically perfect in every way. I still need to figure out where to hang them, but that should be easy. We just need to get some more stuff out of that room and we'll be good to go soon. Shaun also finished painting our living room, and has made good progress in our "middle room" (dining room/office/room-of-all-trades). So we're getting close!

The most recent ultrasound pics are below. She continues to be Shaun's doppelganger. I told our friend Rich last weekend that she looked like Shaun, and he asked what I meant by that. My response? "It's exactly his face." I showed him some of the older pictures, and he definitely agreed.

In 2 weeks I have my strep B test and the non stress test, where they'll make sure the baby is ready to undergo labor. I'm sure she'll do great. I wish they had a test to make sure her mother is ready, too!

Making progress!

We are accumulating more & more stuff... lots of clothes from this baby's first cousins, Eden and Peyton (who are also summer babies) and tons of clothes, blankets, etc.  from the baby's second cousins (once removed) Charlotte & Isabelle... plus all of the awesome gifts from the shower at my parents'. Now that Shaun's done with school (finally!) we are starting to get things moved out of the spare room and officially turn it into the baby's room. For paint, we picked a very pale blue. Here's a picture of Shaun hard at work with the paint job last night:



There of course is much work to be done, but with less than 8 weeks till the due date we no longer feel like we have all the time in the world to get ready.

This weekend, I had my first two random women stop me (one at Home Depot, one at Whole Foods) to ask me when I'm due. When I replied "late July" the response from both was "Wow, you look like you're ready to pop!" "I thought you'd say next week, not 2 months from now!" Way to make me feel good, huh?

Baby is squirming around as always. I am still subjected to the random Hillary Clinton cankle (always on my right side - as per Dr. Harrison, it's because my uterus is tilted to the right, plus the baby likes to hang out on the right side anyway, hence compressed vena cava). Last week at my appointment I got to tour the Labor & Delivery facilities at Boston Medical Center which was helpful because I just wanted to have an idea in my head of what it would all look like.

Otherwise, we're just trucking along- hoping to get some furniture moved around this week so we're better prepared for baby arrival. This all seemed so far off when I took that pregnancy test back in November. Suddenly, it's June and we're having a baby next month!

Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now

31 weeks today! I have to say that the time has really flown so far. I can't believe that I'm at the point in my Pregnancy Day By Day book where 3/4 of the pages have been read and I'm using the back flap to save my page.

All signs point to this being a big baby. My pregnancy book said that the average weight for a baby at 31 weeks is 2.5 lbs. Well.... at Friday's ultrasound (I was 30 weeks, 3 days) this baby measured 3 lbs 10 oz! The radiologist said that it's not at a point where they are worried... she's just a big baby. The fact that the baby is big helps to counteract the "are you sure you're not having twins?" questions... a little bit.

The best ultrasound pictures this week were the close up 3-D pictures of her face. She looks JUST LIKE SHAUN. And when you tell Shaun that, he just glows. It makes me happy. You decide:



We left our ultrasound appointment on Friday and headed straight to the Garden State, where my parents were hosting a baby shower for us at their house in Egg Harbor Township. It was so much fun - especially to see a lot of people that we hadn't seen since our wedding. I really have a great family, and I'm extra lucky that my parents have a wonderful set of close friends that I have known all (or most) of my life who are like extra family to me. I love that my godparents and my confirmation sponsor are still so close. Any event at my parents' is always a fun mix of the Chebras, the Mah Jongg ladies and the Wynnewood friends... and it's great to add my closest friends (the ones who could be there, at least) to the mix. I love knowing that all of these people are going to be part of this baby's life. She's a lucky kid. We got some great things, too: so many sweet little  clothes (that I hope she's tiny enough to get use of!), lots of books and lots of practical things that baby needs. Her arrival definitely seems more real, now.... and now we need to get to work on making room for all of her things in our apartment.

A mover & a shaker

So I'm really going to miss feeling this baby move all the time in my belly. It's such a cool feeling. It's reassuring, sometimes it tickles... but most of all it makes me wonder what she's doing in there. It must be pretty boring. Is she saying hello to me?  Is she trying to dance along to music? I definitely notice that she always does a spin when I eat something cold - a future ice cream lover for sure.

At my last appointment, Dr. Harrison told me that based on measurements, the baby is likely to be closer to 9 lbs than to 8. That's a big baby. But he said that she's growing well so just keep doing what I'm doing.

Next ultrasound is Friday, then we hit the road down to NJ for our baby shower at my parents' house. And we're just about at 30 weeks officially. How the time has flown!

I must say that I like being pregnant. I feel good. I get a little more tired than usual, and I don't enjoy how difficult it is to paint my toenails or get up off the floor or climb stairs... but overall, I think pregnancy agrees with me.

If only we could agree on a name..... 

Chinese Cabbage

And we continue with baby - vegetable equivalancies which mean nothing to me. What the heck is a chinese cabbage? My dear friend Jeff googled a picture for me - he figures that the baby now looks like this:

At my last ultrasound they estimated her weight at 2 lbs, and according to today's email she is about 14 1/2 inches long. And boy oh boy is she a mover.

My mom & dad came up to visit this weekend with tons of baby stuff- including the dresser I used when I was a baby (and was subsequently used by my brother & sister). My sister passed along a lot of great stuff for us, too. It's starting to feel more real, especially now that the baby is kind of on a schedule and I can tell when she's awake and moving. (Note to baby: 3 a.m. is not a good time to be awake and moving.)

I haven't gone crazy shopping for this baby - mostly because I know that we'll be getting lots of hand-me-downs. In general I tend not to like baby clothes that say things like "Little Cutie," etc.... but I do like things that say things that mean something to me. I am trying to track down the little onesie they sold at Walt Disney World that says "You can't spell Princess without ESPN." I also found a onesie online that says "Mommy's Little Understudy" - perfect since she spent most of her gestational time in rehearsals/performances of Ragtime. But honestly? I know she will probably spit up/poop all over anything we put on her, so I'm not going to get too picky.

So I'm getting bigger, she is getting bigger & kicking the day away..... things are looking good so far. We're officially at 28 weeks - 12 to go!

How to make a Mary Poppins nursery.

Part of my excitement when I found out this baby was a girl was that I can FINALLY make use of the Mary Poppins items I have been collecting through the years. I really have way more than any adult person should - including decorative plates, dolls, a lunchbox & thermos, the Mary Poppins game.... obviously all of it won't go in the baby's room, but it's there if she wants it. I still get excited when I envision the carpet bag and parrot umbrella sitting in the corner, as though the perfect nanny just stopped in as the wind changed.

The challenge of course is that any pre-designed baby nursery set obviously doesn't feature Mary Poppins. And I am certainly not the creative one among my friends - but I do have a little bit of a vision for what I want. Parcheesy is going to turn the Mary Poppins flat sheet that I won on eBay in 2000 into curtains, and I picked crib bedding that is blue striped & polka-dotted, as if to look like the Banks children's room. I was also SO excited to find (and win!) this on eBay:

Perfect for a Jolly Holiday!

I am also envisioning multiple wall plaques around the room, each featuring an important phrase from the movie: "Feed the Birds" "A Spoonful of Sugar helps the Medicine Go Down" "Have Cheery Disposition" "Play Games, all Sorts" and of course "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." This may challenge my creativity a bit... but I feel like I can do it.

I also have my Poppins movie posters and showcards... but I don't know if they will fit in. Any other suggestions to make the Mary Poppins room complete?

English Hothouse Cucumber

So at 26 weeks, the official baby length is "about the size of an English Hothouse Cucumber." How many people can actually ascertain what that means? My guess is not very many. I think that as the baby gets bigger, there are fewer and fewer vegetables to compare to so they are getting more and more obscure.

"Ragtime" closed on Saturday. It got great reviews and I got to meet so many awesome people.... but boy is it nice to have my evenings back. Shaun and I got to go out for dinner tonight, and on Monday we even started moving some furniture around to make room for baby. We're still nowhere near ready... but we'll get there.

At this morning's ultrasound, Baby M was asleep for the beginning. And I don't think she appreciated the ultrasound tech pushing around to get her to wake up, as you can see in the 4-D photos she is hiding behind the placenta, with her hand covering her face as if to say "LEAVE ME ALONE!" It seems that she has her hand over her face a lot.

Neither Shaun nor I are morning people, and neither of us appreciate being woken up. It seems that this is in fact an inherited trait.

Maybe because she felt bad for waking up the baby, the tech (Maria) gave me 12 pictures today instead of the usual 3 or 4. Some of them are hard to determine what exactly we're looking at... I particularly like the ones where you can really see her face. Or, the part of her face that isn't obscured by the placenta. She apparently is a cuddler, for she was cuddled up to the placenta the whole time.

Try to see what you can from today's pics:

THIRD Trimester

Somehow, we are in the third trimester. It doesn't seem possible, but we're here. I definitely look very pregnant.... and am definitely garnering unsolicited tummy touches at work. Oh well. I wouldn't mind if people asked. I have also started with the swollen ankles, making my legs resemble Hillary Clinton's. Not exactly pleased about that, but I'm trying to keep my feet elevated because that apparently helps. They have been better this week - this weekend (after wearing heels for 6 hours on Saturday in "Ragtime") it was particularly painful. I should be recovered just in time to do 4 more shows this weekend. Ouch just thinking about it.

This week I have my glucose test, then next week yet another ultrasound. I have to say, I feel spoiled with the number of ultrasounds I get. My friend who is just a couple of years younger than me has only had one so far.... and I'm heading in for my fifth or sixth next week. I would recommend that everyone be of advanced maternal age for the sheer number of bonus tests I get.

We finally got around to registering. I have never had great experiences at Babies R Us so was kind of dreading going there... but going on a Sunday evening was a good plan because the place was pretty much empty. We also did a small registry for stuff Babies R Us didn't have at Shaun's favorite toy store, Magic Beans. My sister provided us with a great list of "here's what you really need" and I've also gotten great advice (and great second-hand stuff!) from my fabulous friends. It made registering slightly less intimidating, and I am glad to have that checked off the list.

We were so excited to find a huge box delivered to us - a handmade rocking horse from my sister's best friend from high school's parents! It's beautiful and I can't wait to have that second room cleaned out so we can start decorating and find a spot for him. That will come in due time.... once Shaun finishes classes for the semester and we can really focus. I told you, this third trimester stuff crept up really quickly!

Not much else to report - she's kicking all the time and definitely makes her presence known. I am cultivating an appreciation for showtunes based on my music choices in the car - I wouldn't have it any other way. And Shaun is really enjoying picking stuff out for her - the "My First Fishbowl" on the Magic Beans registry is a total Daddy pick. (He is also the one who thinks that we'll be making our own baby food. I offer no guarantees.)

Stage Mother

Waaaay back in September, a friend of mine from Disney who now lives in MA posted on his Facebook page that he would be musical directing a production of "Ragtime" in Concord, MA. Having been wanting to get back into doing musical theatre, and loving this particular show, I decided to audition the first week of October. There wasn't really a principal role that I was right for, but I was excited to get cast in the Ensemble and also a few featured roles. I accepted my casting and rehearsals were set to start in January. Now... what happened between October and January?

I emailed Tom (my Disney friend) and Jules (the director) as soon as I had my doctor's appointment confirming the existence of our new addition to basically give them an out if they didn't want a pregnant person in their cast... and also to give myself an out if, having never been pregnant before, I wasn't feeling up to being in a show. They reassured me that they'd work around me if necessary and if I felt up to it, I could still be in the show.

The rehearsal commitment was Tuesday/Thursday evenings and Saturday afternoons... so not that time-consuming and I ended up with a few nights off in the  midst of things because I wasn't needed for every rehearsal. Met some really nice people and things moved along swimmingly. The costumers were willing to give outfit me in elastic for my expanding waistline, and it feels good to be on stage again.

Last Saturday was our cue-to-cue rehearsal. It started at 10 am and ended at almost 9 pm. We had Sunday off, but on Monday were full into tech week, with rehearsals running every night until almost midnight. My nice, relaxed schedule was thrown for a loop (coupled by the fact that this has been a busy 2 weeks at work for me, so I couldn't take time off to make up for my lack of sleep). I honestly didn't know how I was going to make it to opening night because I was just really really drained... but we did it! The show had a very successful opening weekend (2 more weekends to go) and the crazy glut of rehearsals has ended so I actually have a few days rehearsal-free when I can actually focus on other things, including poor Shaun who has been such a trooper, what with barely seeing me for the past week.

This was also the week where the baby really started to make her presence known. I don't know if you'd call them "kicks" but it's definitely more than "flutters." She particularly enjoys letting me know she's there after one of my runs up or down the stairs of the Emerson Umbrella theatre (our entire backstage area is downstairs, so I make about 10-15 stair runs each rehearsal/performance). I wonder whether the baby,having developed the ability to hear while I was in the throes of rehearsal, will find songs from "Ragtime" soothing or incredibly irritating once she makes her arrival. I can imagine 10 years from now her hearing wisps of "New Music" or "Wheels of A Dream" and thinking "wow, that sounds vaguely familiar."

So yes, our daughter made her stage debut at a gestational age of 23 weeks. Either she's going to feel right at home in the theatre, or want to run screaming from the place, knowing that this particular activity kept her mother awake much more than usual, particularly this week. But judging from the hand to the forehead in last week's ultrasound pictures, I think this kid might already have a flair for the drama:

What's in a Name?

Today I'm officially at 22 weeks. The baby is the size of either a spaghetti squash or a papaya, depending on what website you read. I really like spaghetti squash so that's what I'm saying. She is moving like crazy too, which is fun to feel.

I am now being asked daily if we have a name picked. We definitely have some ideas. Some that we really like, in fact, but with about half of the pregnancy to go I don't feel like I'm ready to discuss it with people.

Here's the thing. I'm a namer. I like to name things. I named every one of my Barbie dolls growing up. I name goldfish. I pride myself on being able to come up with names that are clever and have meaning. I'm fascinated by how names change in popularity (games like this on Sporcle.com are among my favorite time wasters). All of this puts a lot of pressure on me with a name for an actual human being.

We are lucky that we have a last name that is pretty user-friendly, name wise. There are lots of names that sound good with it. But that almost makes choosing a name harder.

The older I get, I also run into the problem of knowing an awful lot of people, so names that I may have once loved now have a negative connotation. We also know a lot of people with young kids, so are watching closely to make sure we don't duplicate any of their names. I don't want any names that are on the most popular names list, but I don't want to make something up, either. I am also concerned with names that "match" each other - we are choosing not just a name but a genre of names that future siblings will need to fit into. If we pick a more old-fashioned name, we should really stick with that for the future. You can't have a kid named Jordana and a kid named Mary (neither of those names are on the list, by the way).

I also don't want to decide, tell people, and have them say "really?" So I figure that if Shaun & I keep it to ourselves, we will be getting less commentary from people, and they'll just deal with it when she arrives. But because we are getting asked the question so often, I'm tempted to just tell everyone that we're naming her Maleficent and watch them try not to make the "really?" face.

Mango

Baby is officially the size of a Mango (until tomorrow, when I will receive a new produce-inspired size update)... haven't written this week. Sorry! I can definitely sense that she is there - no "kicking" or anything, I guess kind of like flutters? And fewer and fewer things are fitting properly. The biggest challenge so far has been the acid reflux. I have never had stomach issues before (those are reserved for my sister and most of my best friends) so just getting used to it has been less than fun. And I have been warned that what I'm feeling now is NOTHING like what I'll feel the further along I get.

And that's another interesting side effect of pregnancy - people LOVE to tell me how terrible it's going to be. Random acquaintances offer words of warning of what's to come. Guess what? No matter how bad you tell me it's going to be, I can't change anything. I can't undo it. No actions I take at this point will affect how the rest of the pregnancy goes. So what's the point in acting like a harbinger of doom? I know I've been super fortunate that I haven't been sick and I've been able to keep up working and volunteering at the JFK Library and participating in community theatre without the pregnancy really affecting anything thus far... and I know that none of these things will be as easy in the future. And I totally respect the fact that those who have already been through pregnancy/childbirth want to offer advice... but it really seems that most people (especially those I don't know well) only have negative things to share. What's the point of that? I'm not a worrier by nature, and I can't stay up nights worrying about how I might feel come June.

I miss being able to pick out clothes knowing what size I'll be. I miss having beer with my husband and friends. I miss a glass of wine with dinner. I miss raw oysters and goat cheese. But all of this is temporary. The fact that I will probably be REALLY uncomfortable for a few months isn't something to look forward to, but it's not for the rest of my life either. And I know a lot of people who would do anything to be pregnant and have to jump through all sorts of hoops to come close to how I feel at 19 weeks and 6 days. So for now, I'm just grateful that the little Mango is doing well and that I am doing well too.

(Oh, and please feel free to cite this post in future months when I'm complaining.)

Ultra Sound Photo Shoot

I am choosing not to post the picture they gave us in which the ultrasound technician was able to recognize the baby as a girl... mostly because I don't want our daughter to be mad at me in 15 years when she learns I posted her private parts on the internet.

She (it's weird to say "she") was not in the mood to be photographed today, but we did get a good 3D one in which she looks remarkably like Shaun, even at a gestational age of 18.5 weeks.

It's a...

GIRL!

I can't believe it. I mean, I never had super strong feelings either way, but this morning I was pretty convinced that it was a boy.

The ultrasound went well - everything looking good so far. We'll have a Fetal EKG at the next ultrasound, but that was planned due to my brother's transposition of the great vessels, not due to anything they saw that was questionable. In fact, they were able to see all 4 chambers of the heart and the aorta, but the baby wasn't in a great position to see the right ventricle so they still ordered the Fetal EKG, even though the radiologist said that he'll be really surprised if there is a problem.

I am mostly excited by the prospect of a Mary Poppins-themed room!!!

Shaun took the photos from today's visit with him, so I'll scan them tonight.

Baked Potato/ Onion/ Turnip

3 separate websites gave me 3 separate food identifiers for the baby's size this week. I prefer Baked Potato.

Not much excitement in this neck of the woods. I definitely have a discernable baby bump, and am starting to feel more pregnant. Of course, I am establishing what "feeling pregnant" is for the first time myself, so the fact that I feel more pregnant is really just relative to how I felt last week. The cold is virtually gone (finally) but I'm keeping an eye out for other bugs that may be on the horizon, what with the compromised immune system and all. Lots of handwashing going on in our house.

I saw the doctor last Friday, and he said that everything is going fine. I'm participating in a study about the effect of Vitamin D in decreasing the chance of asthma and allergies in children. While I don't have asthma, Shaun is the poster boy for it (and other allergies) so that puts the baby at an increased risk, thus qualifying me for the study. Basically, I take a Vitamin D supplement (or placebo) every day with my prenatal vitamin, and when I go to my doctor's appointments they check in with me to make sure I'm taking the supplement and sometimes some bloodwork. I'm all for science, and it's not like it's a lot of extra work for me, or anything that on its own could do damage to the baby. Once the baby is born, there are some basic tests that need to be done, and check-ins at his or her 1, 2, and 3 year pediatrician appointments. I just think it will be cool if this study amounts to people learning more about how to keep their kids healthy. If people didn't participate in studies like this, how would we know all that we know now?

Next week we should have updated ultrasound pics... plus official news on whether the baby's room will be Philadelphia Eagles Football themed or Mary Poppins themed!

Avocado

Today we're at 16 weeks, which means the baby is the size of an avocado. I like being back in the world of fruits I recognize.

I am in the final throws of the longest documented cold on record. At least, it feels that way. I'm just congested, but much better than I was last week at this time. Still, going on 2 weeks with a cold isn't fabulous.

On Sunday night I slipped on some ice and had a fall-- fortunately it was on my butt and there is ample padding there. It was a little scary for a second, and I'm sore, but the baby appears to be fine and I'll be fine too... once I get used to sleeping only on my side, because sleeping on my back is still too painful. Never a dull moment around these parts, I swear.

Otherwise, when I'm not sneezing, coughing, blowing my nose or complaining about my back hurting, I'm doing well. Work hasn't been very busy, and the rehearsals for "Ragtime" are going pretty well. I go for my appointment with my OB on Thursday, and then the ultrasound in which we find out the baby's gender (or in my words, "we find out what kind of baby we're getting") is 2 weeks from Friday. So that's the next big milestone... I can't wait for that!

Sick, Party of 2 (well, three)

So when people have asked me how I'm feeling during this pregnancy, I've always answered "pretty good" - no morning sickness, no weird cravings, and while I'm more tired than usual, it's not the level of exhaustion that my friends have told me they experienced. However, I have had the "remnants" of a cold for quite some time... and those remnants came to a head on Friday. When I got home from work Friday night, I was coughing, had sore eyeballs, and was just feeling generally miserable. Normally, I'd pop some Tylenol cold, suffer through a day on the couch, and be worn out for a few more days. This baby's arrival, however, did not bode for that outcome.

No medicine. Tylenol for the fever (which never went above 99.8) and the only "approved" cold medicine is Sudafed, which as Shaun sweetly investigated for me Friday night, is for a stuffy nose, not a chest cold. Up all night coughing, sneezing and blowing my nose all day - all of these are par for the course with a cold but not for THREE DAYS. Three days of utter misery. And to top it all off? Shaun got what I had yesterday. So today I'm only a little bit better (thanks to the Dr.'s sanctioning of Robitussin DM) but poor Shaun is really down for the count. I had to run to CVS for more tissues today (buy stock in Kleenex!) because with a temperature of 99.3 I was the healthier of the two. Poor us. We are giant wastes of space.

You know what feels good? A long hot shower. I've taken at least 2 a day since Friday. I also purchased, on recommendation from Facebook friends, a neti pot. I don't know if I did it right - I mean, I did feel decongested for a little while, but I also felt like I had been tossed around the ocean swallowing salt water. I can't quite get that saline taste out of the back of my throat. I'll probably try it again before bed tonight... but I don't think I'm ever going to be totally on board the Neti Pot train. I can't wait to be medicated again.

In the meantime, our poor household is a cacaphony of coughing, sneezing and nose blowing. The baby is probably fine, but this is the first experience of this little fetus actually being a character in our little household dramas... a character who won't let me medicate myself.

12 weeks!

So 12 weeks is a big deal. According to one baby website, "Congratulations, you've reached the end of your first trimester!"... although others have told me that the first trimester isn't over until 14 weeks. Anyway, it's supposedly a big accomplishment. So yeah, we're here! I met my doctor for the first time this past Thursday. He's very nice and was very patient with me... and also treated me like an intelligent person, which was good. Then, on Friday, I had my "genetic testing" ultrasounds. One of the  benefits of being "advanced maternal age" is that I'll get tons of ultrasounds throughout the next 6 months or so. This one was specifically to check size and to do what they call a "nuchal translucency" test, which can indicate Down's Syndrome or worse chromosomal disorders. I wasn't nervous about the test, I was excited to see the baby on screen for the first time since my 7 week "dating" ultrasound, and was extra excited that Shaun was there too.

I couldn't believe how much bigger the baby is now - it looks like a baby! There was one arm in the air (as if to say "over here! over here!") and the kid was flipping around so much that the tech had a hard time getting it still enough to get the measurements for the test. It's just weird because it's moving, and it's inside of me, I just can't feel it yet. Shaun was really excited by it too. We passed nuchal translucency with flying colors, and then had a meeting with the genetic counselor to talk about our family histories and potential risks. At the next ultrasound they will take closer looks at the heart chambers, since there is family history of congenital heart defects on my side, and just check in to make sure everything is progressing as planned.

One of the highlights for me was that as they were asking me about my family, they asked if my sister had any children, and if there was anything wrong with my 16 month old niece that they should know about. Shaun's response? "She doesn't share." I had to laugh out loud. Now Eden is just about the most perfect child on earth - beautiful, smart, etc.... but she went out of her way over Christmas to let Shaun & I know that we were not in her "inner circle." I guess he's still a little hurt from that.

So once we got the thumbs up from the doctors that everything looks good, I made it "facebook official" by posting the news there, and now it's officially out. I'm glad that I was able to make a "facebook announcement" because it would be awkward to try to tell people individually, especially at work - this makes it easy, and everyone know that it's not a secret too. It has been awesome to see people's responses and shows of support. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about the prospect, but a lot of people not related to me saying that I'll be a good Mom was certainly reassuring.

Here are some ultrasound pictures from Friday:

Kumquat

I am really enjoying the baby websites where they compare the baby's size to a fruit. I liked raspberry week (because raspberries are delicious), then we had green olive, and now I'm at kumquat. I have never actually seen a kumquat in person to my knowledge, but I'm assuming that it's a little larger than a green olive.

I am forgetting to update this, since no one is reading it yet. The news that I'm "in a family way" is slowly spreading, but I'm waiting until the second trimester starts to officially announce it at work and, you know, on Facebook. Here are the things I want to remember about this pregnancy thus far:

1. Much like my friend Christina posted on her site, I feel hungover all the time. I wake up each morning with dry mouth, and it takes FOREVER to get motivated. I'm always slightly sleepy, a little off my game. A few bouts of nausea, and three actual products of said nausea, but overall I'm not too bad.

2. I hate the fact that my clothes don't really fit, so am kind of looking forward to maternity wear. Not that I need to spend more money on clothes.

3. I love the fact that Shaun is so excited. He wished my stomach a Happy New Year and that made me just about melt. When his friend Joe asked what was new over the phone, Shaun replied "Oh, not much, just creating life!" It's really adorable.

4. I love the fact that I cannot shovel snow for medical reasons. Hee hee hee.

I am not thinking about the fact that I need a new car, would like us to have a better place to live, and I can't imagine my life with an extra person in it.... but I'm a little less scared than I was a few weeks ago, and just a litte more excited.